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Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anyth ing that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received
from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.
Laughter and Tears...
humor...smiles...laughter are words we all are  familiar too but in the world of the soldier they are few and far between...There is no smiles as you blow someones head off
or laughter when an entire village is taken out by one of our missiles or bombs and there is no humor in daily  reports of 42 Kia 134 Wia's...War has always been as such and always will be till it is no more...The American GI's from the
very beginning of this great nation knew the importance of morale and in doing so came up with some of the wildest things
on earth...the wit under fire is uncanny...the dry humor would take the edge off of a bloody situation...from the signs they
left to their creations...they made an otherwise miserable situation into a bearable one...Laughter and Tears...
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, beca use I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate,"
because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothes that went out of style
in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good
Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi
Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world,
using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack
it in the
Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of
water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-
riding test as a valid form
of exercise. I promise to walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to
annoy the other
services
US ARMY OATH
OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't
score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will
wear camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours
a day even when I have
a date.
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....
blowup....ugh...Air
Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....
yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....
Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
___________________
Date
A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down  in the field for
the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all the
stars in the sky, what do
you think, sir?"
The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder
if what we do truly means anything or makes
any difference. Why? What do
you think of, Sergeant?"
"I think somebody stole the damn tent."
 An air force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes
makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends
and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told
him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down. St Peter said this
was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends
should be here  shortly!
A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and
joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too,
won't she?"
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All
right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill
Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure
was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
Humor And War...
Humor has always been a part of military life. Outside the military, humor about the services can
be an acknowledgement of the special nature of the military community and how much civilians owe to those who serve. Unfortunately,
humor can also be used negatively to denigrate the purpose and life of the military.
Within the military, under the stress of military operations or training, spontaneous humor is a way to deal with the pressure and form bonds of common experience. As one man put it when facing the USMC Basic
School’s obstacle course, "It takes a sense of humor and sarcasm."
Therefore, there is a huge body of humorous stories -- both long and short -- and cartoons, as well
as songs and shows by comedians, all with the military as the theme and subject matter. To find examples, at Fort Leonard
Wood, MO, the Library has dedicated a big section to humor, both Political, and Literary, much of which is military related.
A marine and an army guy were at a public restroom. The  marine finished first and washed his hands. The army guy just walked to the exit. The Marine was surprised to see the army
guy walking like this. So he asked to him, "Hey, in the marines they teach we are taught not to piss on our hands,"
A navy guy went to a bar, where he saw some guys sitting, He sat down, ordered a whisky and started chatting with one of them.
He said to one guy, "Wanna hear a joke on Marine
guys?"
The guy replied, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6'1 tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'3" tall, weighs 220, and he's a Marine. The fellow next to him is 6'10" tall, weighs
270, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The navy guy said, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
A Drill Sergeant was chewing out a new recruit when he asked him:
"Tell me stupid if one of your ears was shot off what would happen?"
"Well sir, I couldn't hear."
"What if both your ears were shot off?"
"Well, I wouldn't be able to see."
"That is dumb. Why did you say that?"
"If both my ears were shot off, sir, My helmet would slide right down over my eyes!"
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman.
"I suppose after
you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once
I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
FAVOURITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!
Shortly after joing the Army, I was in line with some other inductees when the sergeant
stepped forward with that day's assignments. He handed several tasks out and then asked, "Does anyone here have experience with radio communications?"
A longtime ham radio operator, I shouted, "I do!"
"Good," he said. "You can dig the hole for the new telephone pole."
ONE LINERS...
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't
completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
Political Philosophies Explained in Simple Two-Cow Terms
SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk
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